TEN SIGNS THAT IT IS TIME THAT YOU LEFT THE PULPIT
1. On Pastor Appreciation Day the congregation gives you a trip to the Orient, but it's for one way only.
2. The Deacon Board forgets to include your salary in next year's church budget.
3. The last time you preached a funeral, people mistook you for the deceased.
4. The congregation is given No Doze tablets instead of communion wafers.
5. The church bulletins have crossword puzzles where sermon notes are supposed to go.
6. The local ministers association notifies you that your lifetime membership has expired.
7. Doctors prescribe recordings of your sermons as a cure for insomnia.
8. Your children tell their friends that you work for the Mafia because they are too embarrassed to say what you really do.
9. Your wife attends another church because nobody there knows who her husband is.
10. Rodney Dangerfield gets more respect than you do.